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Escaped!

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I have successfully managed to stay in the house all day today. No Black Friday shopping for me, thank you, not even online. Watched some football, some old movies, played some Solitaire, ate some leftover turkey … it’s been a great day so far. I have escaped the madness of Consumerism for one whole day. Or have I?

The truth is that there wasn’t really ever any chance I would go out on Black Friday to see how many bargains I could find. I am not really into shopping for shopping’s sake. So it might be an overstatement to say that I have escaped from a trap that wasn’t set for me in the first place.
No, the trap set for me is this: worrying about stuff instead of seeking God’s Kingdom. And avoiding the worry by watching football, playing Solitaire, or eating turkey doesn’t help me at all. I haven’t really escaped anything, have I? Unless I’m ready to actively seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, I am no better off than the guy who pulled a gun on another shopper or the two women who had a fist fight in the comforter aisle at Walmart earlier today.

One trap or another, it really doesn’t matter. Which trap has your name written on it? How are you avoiding the Kingdom of God?

And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:28-34, ESV)

Who You Gonna Thank?

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I have seen a lot of gratitude on Facebook during the month of November, as many of my friends participate in 30 Days of Thanks, writing about the first thing for which they are thankful each day. It’s a great exercise, and it warms my heart to see so much gratitude expressed. But something bothers me about this little meme.

At first, I thought it was the limitation of thirty days. What, you aren’t grateful the other 335 days of the year? You have to save up your gratitude for the month of November, only? But that wasn’t it.

Then, I pondered that it might seem just a bit self-congratulatory to announce to the world how wonderful one’s life is every day.  Isn’t this a bit like the Pharisee in Luke 18:11, who prays, “God, I thank you that I am not like other men…” as he stands in the temple? But that wasn’t it, either.

Today, it hit me as I read Psalm 105, which begins, “Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!” All this “I’m thankful for…” floating around Facebook is missing something really important: a direct object.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 106, among many others). Being thankful all the time is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. It helps us stay humble as we recognize the many blessings we experience in life, blessings for which we can take no credit whatsoever. That is important.

But even more important, I think, is remembering that being grateful is all about me and how I feel, while giving thanks is all about the One to whom I owe gratitude.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thirty years ago today …

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… we rode in the back seat of a huge old car, to an empty church. My husband’s brother and his wife stood beside us as we exchanged vows on a Saturday morning. There was no music, there were no flowers. The pastor’s wife sat in the back pew and knitted, and my four-year-old son played with a bottle cap he’d picked up from the street. After the ceremony, we ate quiche. I had learned from my mother to roll out the unused piecrust dough, smear it with butter and sprinkle it with cinnamon sugar, and bake it with the pie, so that was our “wedding cake.”

That was thirty years ago, and I have learned a lot from walking beside this amazing man through three decades. For instance,

  1. It really is better to bite your tongue than to give your partner a tongue-lashing (even when I deserve one)
  2. The marriage comes first. Kids grow up and move away, but we promised to be together until death parts us. Invest in that.
  3. Give up the fantasies. There is no such thing as a perfect spouse. I can’t be one, and I’m not married to one. What we have may not always be pretty, but it’s real, and it’s ours.
  4. Decide that this is what you want, and do everything in your power to keep it strong. This decision is closely connected to giving up the fantasy that there is such a thing as a perfect mate. The day I decided to want what I have was the day I knew this marriage would last.
  5. Look for the good stuff. This person by my side has so many amazing qualities. He has integrity. He’s patient. He is utterly dependable. He’s curious. He likes my cooking. He reads. He listens. He is as determined as I am to keep growing. I could go on and on. The truth is, every person on earth has some good in us somewhere. A spouse is the one who keeps reminding us of the good in us, and the one whose goodness we need to keep bringing to light.
  6. Keep the bad stuff in perspective. Yes, he snores, but it’s good to know he’s still breathing in the middle of the night. I find his snoring rather comforting, actually. There was something else… hmm, I can’t think of it right now. (Get my point?)
  7. Make the big decisions together, but trust each other for the small stuff.
  8. Make a budget. Keep it.
  9. One bookkeeper in the house is plenty, but that person needs to know all the data. Don’t hide expenditures from each other, and don’t hide income from each other.
  10. Be honest. Your spouse is not your confessor, but your spouse deserves the truth from you, even when it’s bad news.
  11. If you have children, always be united in your approach to raising them. Do not ever let your children play you against each other. (See number two, above.)
  12. Whoever cooks doesn’t have to do the dishes. Whoever doesn’t cook cleans up the mess.
  13. Someone has to fold the stupid socks. Someone has to clean the stupid toilet. Someone has to take out the trash. Someone has to mow the lawn. Someone has to change the toilet paper roll. Someone has to unload the dishwasher. Someone has to buy groceries. It doesn’t really matter who does it, but it has to get done …
  14.    … Do not keep score.
  15. Find a way to talk through your disagreements. If you are too angry to talk reasonably, go for a walk to get yourself reasonable, then talk.
  16. Listen, listen, listen. With your heart as much as your ears and brain.
  17. Remember that you promised to uphold this person no matter what, so uphold this person no matter what.
  18. Pray for your spouse every day. Give thanks to God for the person who shares your life.
  19. Do something spontaneous every once in a while, just to prove to yourselves that you still can.
  20. Be dependable.
  21. Your spouse is not a mind-reader; ask for what you need. Be specific.
  22. Read aloud to each other.
  23. Spend time together doing nothing, saying nothing. Just be together.
  24. Take turns being the leader, the bread-winner, the main parent.
  25. Discover anew the person who first attracted you all those years ago.
  26. Hold each other every day.
  27. Say, “I love you” every day.
  28. Laugh together every day.
  29. Pray together every day.
  30. Love one another.